


breathe into me

by stiley



Category: One Piece
Genre: Aromantic Luffy, Depression, Luffy tries, M/M, hints of one-sided zoro/luffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 12:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4835363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stiley/pseuds/stiley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Luffy stands over him, holding a hand down, his smile ever-present despite the destruction around them, “Let’s go.”</p><p>It’s all over now."</p><p>After Doflamingo, Law's left with nothing. He thought he'd feel more but instead he just feels empty. Wrong. When you run off revenge and when you finally get it, what do you have left?</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathe into me

**Author's Note:**

> Rule # 8: “Never take anything for granted.”

Luffy stands over him, holding a hand down, his smile ever-present despite the destruction around them, “Let’s go.”

It’s all over now, finally, and he’s surprised by how empty he feels. He should feel relief, maybe anger, a bit of sadness, but he just feels numb. He put a bullet through Doflamingo’s skull and he figured that would be the end of it. He thought he’d feel better by now, feel _something,_ but he doesn’t feel at peace, not by a longshot.

It isn’t what Corazon would have wanted. Corazon would have never pulled the trigger no matter what because Doflamingo was family. They had the same blood running through their veins and nothing could change that.

Doflamingo had grinned, so predatory when Law pressed the muzzle against his forehead, the metal cool against his heated skin and he hadn’t even flinched when the trigger clicked.

“Do it.”

Law hadn’t hesitated. If he had, he would’ve changed his mind, dropped the gun and gave Doflamingo up to the Marines. He couldn’t do this. This was his job and he needed to finish it.

He’d breathed in, shaky as he glared down at Doflamingo and he pulled the trigger.

He doesn’t flinch, later on when Luffy helps him onto the table in the infirmary and wets a rag, mutters, “Chopper will be here in a minute,” And starts to wipe the blood off Law’s face.

He’s shaking from head to toe, but Luffy doesn’t say a word, just rinses off every little bit of red from his face and he doesn’t even want to think about how much brains splattered into his hair. Luffy does the best he can to wash that out, too, in the sink without hurting Law’s arm too much.

He wants to thank him, wants to say something, but if he opens his mouth he knows he’ll do nothing but sob because it’s done. What he worked for his entire life is done and he has nothing left.

He doesn’t want to think about what it’ll feel like when the adrenaline’s fully worn off, because even with that rushing through him, every bit of him hurts worse than anything he’s ever felt.

When Luffy says, “You’re going to be okay, you know.” Law’s not sure if he’s lying or not.

Chopper manages to fix him up as well as he possibly can and he sends Law out with pain medication and a, “I’m so, so sorry.”

He couldn’t reattach Law’s arm. He’d tried but it had been unattached too long and there were so many reasons that he’d rambled off, but Law couldn’t listen. He just froze on the exam table, his entire body freezing.

He’d have to live like this. Sure, he’d get used to it eventually but there would always be things that he could never do as good as he used to.

He’s just exhausted way down to his bones and he wants nothing more than to just scream and sob, let out everything that he’s kept inside for years.  

It feels strange, the whole not having an arm thing. Sometimes, it feels like it’s still there and everything seems to crumble when he realizes it’s not. The cyborg is working on a replacement, said something about it being “super awesome” and that he’d get it to Law as soon as possible but it’ll never be the same.

He’s not sure if he’ll ever be as good of a surgeon if he was before, if he ever could be one again and that’s probably the hardest part. He went through years of training to become one of the greatest surgeons and Doflamingo had taken that away from him too. First, Corazon, and now his ability to perform surgery; it’s all too much.

His life was supposed to end before he even turned 14, and here he is now, 26 and alive but he doesn’t feel like it. He feels like nothing.

-

He doesn’t leave his bed for the next month.

By now, he’s probably become part of the bed and it feels like bits of mold are growing in the curve of his spine because he’s not sure when he showered last. He’d cleaned up after the battle, and someone had helped him wash the dried bits of blood from his body because he couldn’t bring himself to move, but other than that, he hasn’t stepped close to a shower.

Just the thought makes his muscles ache.

He doesn’t look up when the door creaks open and Luffy shuffles in, a tray filled with food and it must’ve taken a lot of effort for him to get all the way to Law’s room without eating even a tiny bit of it.

“You’re going to eat something today, right? Of course you are.” He says, like he does every day and he usually can manage to get Law to eat a small bit, enough to last him for the day.

Law never eats the entire thing, isn’t sure he could without throwing it back up but he tries because Luffy always smiles wider when he tries. He’s getting there, slowly but surely, even though it takes most of his energy.

“I thought you might really like this, so I asked Sanji to make it,” He says, pointing to a small cheesecake, “If you don’t like the crusts and stuff, I’ll eat them, but you like strawberries, don’t you?”

Luffy doesn’t wait for a response because Law never talks anyway and when he does, he doesn’t say much.

“He kicked me out of the kitchen while he made it and he even watched me the entire way to make sure I wouldn’t eat it. I’d never do that, though,” Law smiles a little because that’s a lie, Luffy’s already eying the treat and if he had the energy, he’d laugh. “This is all yours though, because you’re going to love it. I know it.”

Law just sighs, scooping a bit of the cake up with the spoon and it’s perfect as usual. Sanji really puts everything he’s got into his cooking and Law knows he’s going to become the best chef in the world someday, whether he’s trying or not. He really loves what he does and it shows.

He’s too tired to do much more than eat half of the cake, so he hands the spoon to Luffy and gestures to the cake, murmuring, “It’s good. Tell him I said thank you.”

Luffy just smiles a little, sad, but Law had eaten at least two bites more than yesterday so he’s making progress. He gobbles the rest down, murmuring about asking Sanji to make more because it’s delicious. It isn’t meat, but it’s just as good.

“How do you feel today?” He asks, rocking back and forth in the chair that he had pulled over at some point and Law just nods.

“I feel okay.”

“Better than yesterday though, right?”

Law nods, even though he’s lying and Luffy knows that by now. He hasn’t felt better in months and hasn’t gotten any better.

“That’s good. You know, we caught a really big fish today. It was half the size of the ship! I wish you could’ve seen it.”

Luffy looks so excited and Law bundles himself up in his comforter, listening to Luffy talk. He doesn’t have anything to say himself, but Luffy talks enough for the both of them. It feels good. He wouldn’t know what to say anyway. Luffy hands him a glass of water.

“Here, drink this. You’re probably really thirsty.” He helps Law tilt the glass to take a couple sips, and he runs a hand through Law’s greasy hair after setting the glass back down. Law closes his eyes as Luffy talks more and more, comforted by the sound of his voice. “Nami wasn’t too happy, though. She said it stunk and Sanji didn’t want to cook it, said it was too gross but he did anyway in the end. It took a lot of persuasion, though. I had to practically beg him.”

Luffy’s voice lulls him into a gentle sleep and he doesn’t even stir when Luffy makes sure he’s covered up before he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

-

It’s almost a month and a half later before Luffy manages to get him to leave his room. “Just for a little bit, okay? You need some fresh air after being cooped up for so long.”

By now Franky finished his prototype of a robotic arm replacement for Law and he’s right, it does feel almost like the real thing. It doesn’t change temperature exactly the same as real flesh does, but it’s built well enough that Law hardly even notices. The difference is barely noticeable.

Luffy holds his hand the entire way, and if Law clutches his hand a little harder when they get outside, that’s a secret for the two of them. Everyone’s out and about like usual, doing what they normally do and they don’t crowd around Law like he thought they would.

He lets out a small sigh of relief at that. He’s not sure what he’d do if they surrounded him, all asking if he was okay at once.

He sits on one of the benches, Luffy up beside him, pressed against his side, warm even through his t-shirt. It’s not too hot out, or too cold, but Luffy feels like a furnace.

“It’s nice out, isn’t it?”

Law nods, and lets Luffy hold his hand and entwine their fingers together. Luffy has his legs crossed and he looks as relaxed as he usually does. It’s strange, seeing him sit still instead of running around with the rest of the crew.

“You can go by the rest of them, if you want,” Law murmurs, looking towards where Chopper and Usopp are laughing and wrestling in the grass, “I’ll be fine over here.”

Luffy looks up at him from underneath his hat and frowns, “But I like being here with you.” And it isn’t long before the smile is back on his face. “Did I ever tell you about that time Ace and me fought an entire army of alligators?”

Law shakes his head and murmurs, “Tell me.” His voice is hoarse from months without use.

Luffy’s a good story teller, even though he mixes up parts and mushes other parts together, but he tells it well enough to understand and Law’s able to piece together the bits of information that get mixed up.

Law’s leaning against Luffy, head resting on top of his when Luffy finishes his story and by then, the sky is already starting to darken.

“Do you want to come out here again tomorrow?” Luffy asks, and he’s smiling so bright that Law has to say yes.

-

“I grew up in Flevance,” Law says, breathing in deeply and he speaks slowly, unsure of his own voice, “It was called the White City before it was destroyed.”

Luffy’s head rests in Law’s lap and he kicks his legs off the side of the bench. He’s never been able to stay still, Law knows that by now and he lets Luffy play with his fingers as he speaks.

“I had a little sister and both of my parents were doctors. I was training to become one myself and I spent every waking minute studying. I always dreamed of becoming a great doctor like my father- he was the best doctor in our entire country- so I dedicated all of my time to it.”

He can feel water dripping down his neck and beneath his borrowed shirt and little drops trail their way down his spine. 

He has his eyes trained on the ocean, watching the way it glimmers beneath the sunlight. The water is more clear than usual and if he looked off the side, he would be able to see more fish than ever. It isn’t the same as being on his submarine and he’s almost glad.  It’s nice not being cooped up inside for once and he likes the feel of the wind blowing through his hair.

“My sister wanted to go to the festival, the day that it all started.”

So he tells his story. He’s never told this to anyone, not since Corazon, and it’s one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He’s not used to this, not used to sharing bits of himself, parts of his past that he’s kept locked inside for years.

It feels good, finally letting it all out. He talks about everything from his childhood to the way he kept himself alive on the open sea after Corazon passed. He talks about his crew and how Bepo sneaks food from everyone’s trays when no one’s paying attention and he talks about how Penguin sings off-key in the shower. He talks about how his favorite season is summer because now he hates the color white.

He talks about how when their mother was busy, he’d put Lami’s hair into pigtails for her. (“You do it better,” She always said, with her hair parted unevenly and pigtails asymmetrical.)

“She sounds nice,” Luffy says, running a finger along the lines on Law’s palm, “I wish I could’ve met her.”

“She would’ve loved you,” Law says and he isn’t even lying.

-

Their next stop is a summer island, one filled with bright purple and blue flowers and it isn’t long before Usopp, Zoro and Sanji venture off the ship, Usopp to find new weapons and Zoro and Sanji to find new fruits and vegetables for their next voyage. Nami’s on deck, muttering about how long it’ll take her to draw up a map of the whole island.

“Come on, Law,” Luffy whines, grabbing his hand, “Let’s go on an adventure.”

Law stretches his arms over his head, huffs a little but nods his head, “Alright.”

It isn’t long before Luffy grabs him around the waist and flings them over the edge of the ship. His stomach is in his throat by the time they land and he needs to take a minute to compose himself as he tries not to throw up. He’s still not used to that and probably never will be.

“You good?”

“Mhmm.”

Luffy takes his hand again. His hand is warm and just a little sweaty. “I wonder if there’s any meat here,” He asks, like meat grows on trees.

Law knows at any moment Luffy’s going to drag him off on some wild adventure. That’s what always happens with the Strawhat crew and they’ll probably end up running for their lives at some point. It’s a normal occurrence with them.

“It’s nice,” Law murmurs, breathing in the fresh air and it’s been so long since he’s been on land. They haven’t stopped anywhere since the fight with Doflamingo and it’s almost refreshing. “Not needing to worry about him anymore.”

He doesn’t mention about how long he spent living in fear, or why he designed his ship as a submarine specifically to hide and get away from Doflamingo. He doesn’t.

“He’s finally gone. It’s done.”

“I thought I’d feel better about it, you know?” But he doesn’t. It’s been months and he still doesn’t feel anything about it.  He feels like he’s just like Doflamingo, just for pulling the trigger and he doesn’t have to say anything because Luffy’s already squeezing his hand tightly, murmuring, “You’re not like him. You’re not.”

Luffy’s not a mind-reader but sometimes it really feels like it because of how strangely perceptive he is.

Law doesn’t say anything, doesn’t need to, because that’s the second something large and full of spikes pops out of the bushes and he’s yelling, “Room!” before he even thinks.

-

“Can you cook it, Sanji? Can you? Can you?” Luffy asks the second they reach camp and Sanji’s already setting up a large stove outside on the beach.

Sanji doesn’t look up when he says, “You know I can.”

“Meat, meat, all for me!” Luffy sings and Nami is quick to slap him on the back of the head and growl, “ _Not_ all for you!”

Banquets with the Strawhats are something that Law’s become accustom with over the few months he’s spent with them. They’re always loud, full of singing and dancing, and they play their music loud all night.

They’re crowded by the fire late into the night, Luffy half asleep with his head resting against Law, with Law’s arm wrapped around him with Zoro on his opposite side. A bottle of liquor hangs from Zoro’s hand, but he’s not as drunk as anyone else would be after however many bottles of rum he’s finished off.

“You’ve really warmed up to him,” Zoro murmurs, glancing over at Luffy, who by now is drooling on Law’s shirt, “He’s like that, you know? You try not to get attached and you do anyway.”

“I guess so.”

Zoro may not be black out drunk, but he’s still tipsy enough to talk more than Law’s ever heard before, “I was sentenced to death, you know? They had a firing squad all ready, but before they could even get a shot off, Luffy jumped in front of the bullets. I thought he was an idiot, risking everything for me but,” He takes a long swig, “I owe him my life. I wouldn’t be here without him.”

The words are tumbling from Law’s lips before he can stop them and he asks, “Do you love him?”

His heart’s pounding in his chest and it feels like his chest is going to burst.

Zoro sets the bottle down, and grunts, “I do.”

Law can’t breathe and he’s trying so hard to focus on his breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. If Zoro notices the change, he doesn’t speak a word of it.

“I’m not sure if he can feel that way, though,” And then he’s getting up, moving to the other side of the fire to sit next to the sniper.

It’s almost a relief because he’s not sure what he’d say to that anyway.

-

Law’s never had a home. Not since the destruction of Flevance, at least. There’s something about the Strawhat ship that makes him feel like he belongs. He’s not one of their crew and he has his own- they’re meeting up next month and Law will leave the Sunny for his own- but there’s something about it that makes him feel a way he’s never felt before.

He falls asleep in a borrowed bed every night, an extra down in the boy’s room and half of the time he wakes up with Luffy curled up next to him, and even though he’s missing his own ship, he knows he’s going to miss this, too.

-

“Hey, Torao?”

Luffy’s sprawled out on the grass in front of where Law’s resting on the bench reading and he sets down his book, a ribbon inside to keep his place. Luffy turns over and crawls up onto his elbows and looks up at Law.

“Yeah?”

“I want to ask you something, okay? But you can’t laugh. Promise me?”

Law’s nodding his head before he can even think about it and mimes zipping his lips.

“If I asked if I could kiss you, would you say yes?”

Luffy’s always and act first ask questions later kind of person, so Law’s caught off guard, murmuring a, “Wait, what?”

Luffy’s shrugging now, and he exchanges his curious look for a worried one. He almost looks nervous, with the way he’s biting lip a little. It’s so endearing and it pulls at Law’s heart strings. He leans down and Luffy’s scrambling up,

“I asked if I could kiss you.”

Law’s brain finally catches up and he’s nodding, saying, “Yeah, I’d say yes, I’d-“

And Luffy’s lips are on his. Their lips are both chapped because what can you do at sea, and Luffy’s scrambling up while Law’s leaning down, further and further.

Luffy loses his balance and falls backwards, Law falling back with him and he braces himself, grunting as they both hit the ground. He’s straddling Luffy’s waist now, hands on each side of his head and Luffy’s murmuring apologizes as Law kisses them away.

Law pulls away, breathing away, muttering, “I thought you were-?”

“Thought I was what?” Luffy asks, holding himself up on his elbows now, eyebrows furrowing.

“Nevermind.”

“No, tell me! What am I?”

Law looks away, then looks back, muttering, “I thought you wouldn’t feel the same.”

Luffy shrugs a little, “I don’t really know what this is, but I wanted to kiss you, so I did. I mean, you’re leaving anyway and I just, well. I don’t know. I just wanted to kiss you before you left.”

Law wants to kiss it all away, say, “I’m never leaving again.” But he can’t. His crew is on their way, they’re supposed to rendezvous at an island a couple miles away, and he’ll leave. He can’t just abandon them, not after they’ve come this far.

He kisses Luffy. It’s not their last, not even close but it feels like it. It really does.

-

He wants to feel bad. He really does. Luffy doesn’t say “I love you,” and neither does he.

-

They meet up with his crew at a winter island that looks so much like Flevance that it’s eerie. The buildings are pure white and built up for miles. It’s all safe, this time, and the buildings are painted special to look like they’re snow covered all of the time.

No one’s ever heard of Flevance anyway, it’s long gone and buried so they’d never know anyway. You can’t copy something that you’ve never heard of, but it still feels strange, standing in the center of town and feeling like he’s there, all over again.

It’s nice, being able to close his eyes and breathe in the smells of the city. He’d be able to go home, see Lami again, and apologize for all the times that he never paid attention to her. He’ll tell mother her cooking is the best and tell his father that it’s okay that he’s always busy because he has people to save. He’d tell them about his adventures, and about a pirate with a Strawhat who makes friends with everyone he sees. He’ll tell them everything.

But he always opens his eyes and remembers that it’s not home. It never was and never will be.

-

He was destined for death before he even turned 14 and now, here he stands, on a ship in the ocean with his own crew and with more friends than he ever had as a kid.

It’s nice.

-

It’s late. He’s washed up, in a pair of old sweatpants that Bepo bought as a gift somewhere before they even entered the New World. They’re tattered and worn at the edges towards the bottom from how many times he’s worn them. They’re covered in obnoxious hearts (Bepo holds out the box, and when Law opens it with a look of confusion, he just grins and says, “They’re cute, aren’t they?” And he can’t bear to say no.) and they make him smile every time he sees them.

He missed this. He missed his crew probably more than anything because he doesn’t have too much to miss anymore.

He misses Sanji’s cooking just a little but a little bit is because Sanji loves to spoil everyone without being asked. Supper on the submarine is just as good, it’s just a little different. He could get whatever he wanted if he asked, he knows that, but he never does.

He’s getting ready to settle into bed for the night and he almost forgot how comfortable his bed was. He sinks in and he groans, resisting the urge to roll around in it. The room smells vacant, still, because he hasn’t been back for long, but it’s great to finally be in his own bed.

But something’s missing.

He closes his eyes and smashes his face into the pillow like it’ll help, but he can’t fall asleep. He kicks off the blankets and that’s when he hears it.

His den den mushi is ringing across the room and he’d be lying if he didn’t almost sprint to it. He picks it up and he doesn’t even have to say hello.

“This is Monkey D. Luffy and I’m going to be King of the Pirates!”

He can’t help but grin.

“I missed you too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Rule at the beginning is one of Gibbs's rules from NCIS. It was the whole thing that brought this fic together so I figured I would include it. 
> 
> Sorry if Law is a little OOC. This is the first time I've ever written anything about him. Please let me know if you find any mistakes and I hope you enjoyed it!


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